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Facing denial, particularly when it occurs frequently, is far from pleasant. An editor is declining your work, giving a firm “No.” As a writer, I am no stranger to rejection. I started pitching manuscripts 50 years back, right after finishing university. Since then, I have had multiple books turned down, along with nonfiction proposals and many short stories. In the last 20 years, specializing in commentary, the denials have only increased. On average, I receive a rejection every few days—adding up to more than 100 each year. Overall, denials over my career run into thousands. By now, I could have a master’s in rejection.

But, does this seem like a woe-is-me tirade? Not at all. Since, at last, at 73 years old, I have accepted being turned down.

By What Means Have I Managed It?

A bit of background: Now, nearly everyone and others has said no. I’ve never kept score my win-lose ratio—that would be deeply dispiriting.

A case in point: not long ago, a publication rejected 20 pieces consecutively before accepting one. In 2016, at least 50 publishing houses rejected my manuscript before someone accepted it. Later on, 25 agents declined a project. A particular editor requested that I send articles only once a month.

My Phases of Rejection

Starting out, all rejections hurt. It felt like a personal affront. It was not just my writing being rejected, but who I am.

No sooner a manuscript was rejected, I would begin the phases of denial:

• First, shock. How could this happen? How could they be overlook my talent?
• Next, refusal to accept. Surely they rejected the mistake? This must be an mistake.
• Third, dismissal. What do any of you know? Who appointed you to decide on my labours? You’re stupid and your publication is poor. I refuse this refusal.
• Fourth, frustration at them, then anger at myself. Why would I subject myself to this? Could I be a glutton for punishment?
• Subsequently, pleading (often accompanied by delusion). What does it require you to acknowledge me as a unique writer?
• Sixth, sadness. I’m not talented. Additionally, I can never become successful.

This continued through my 30s, 40s and 50s.

Excellent Examples

Of course, I was in good company. Tales of authors whose books was initially declined are legion. The author of Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Nearly each famous writer was originally turned down. Because they managed to persevere, then perhaps I could, too. Michael Jordan was not selected for his youth squad. Most Presidents over the recent history had been defeated in races. Sylvester Stallone claims that his movie pitch and desire to appear were rejected numerous times. “I take rejection as a wake-up call to wake me up and persevere, instead of giving up,” he remarked.

Acceptance

Then, as I reached my later years, I achieved the final phase of rejection. Peace. Currently, I grasp the many reasons why a publisher says no. Firstly, an publisher may have just published a similar piece, or be planning one in the pipeline, or simply be thinking about that idea for another contributor.

Alternatively, unfortunately, my idea is of limited interest. Or maybe the editor thinks I am not qualified or reputation to be suitable. Perhaps is no longer in the market for the wares I am submitting. Or was busy and reviewed my submission too quickly to see its abundant merits.

You can call it an awakening. Anything can be turned down, and for whatever cause, and there is pretty much not much you can do about it. Certain reasons for denial are always beyond your control.

Your Responsibility

Additional reasons are under your control. Honestly, my proposals may occasionally be ill-conceived. They may lack relevance and appeal, or the message I am trying to express is not compelling enough. Alternatively I’m being too similar. Maybe a part about my writing style, especially commas, was offensive.

The point is that, regardless of all my long career and setbacks, I have managed to get widely published. I’ve published several titles—my first when I was in my fifties, the next, a personal story, at older—and in excess of numerous essays. My writings have featured in newspapers big and little, in local, national and global platforms. My debut commentary was published in my twenties—and I have now contributed to many places for five decades.

Still, no major hits, no author events at major stores, no features on TV programs, no presentations, no prizes, no accolades, no Nobel Prize, and no medal. But I can more easily take no at my age, because my, humble achievements have cushioned the blows of my setbacks. I can now be thoughtful about it all at this point.

Instructive Rejection

Denial can be instructive, but when you heed what it’s attempting to show. Or else, you will almost certainly just keep seeing denial all wrong. So what teachings have I gained?

{Here’s my advice|My recommendations|What